Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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