He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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