The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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