I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize