I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is Oprah even human
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
