my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize