while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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