sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
