you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
