i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
