my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
