I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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