Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
