Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
