it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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