I'm lost and stupid without you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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