And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
