guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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