If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
