Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
