So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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