So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
