He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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