here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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