i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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