I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize