I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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