I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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