pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Randomize
