I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
