just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
