It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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