I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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