dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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