I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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