Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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