you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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