She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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