Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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