So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
