So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We talked him into tasing himself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
