I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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