If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize