Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
