she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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