I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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