Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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