apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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