hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize