I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
