i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
