Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
