3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
