i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
