I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
