"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
