i need an iv and a liver transplant
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize