I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
