Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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