speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
