And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
