I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
