I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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