At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
