im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
